Happy Giuliani Weasel Day to those who celebrate
"This excessive concern with little weasels is a sickness."
Twenty-one years ago on this very day, professional slice of wet bread, survivor of the Great Staten Island Slapping of 2022, and leaker of suspicious fluids, then-NYC-mayor Rudy Giuliani got up at 4:45 in the morning to scream at the public about ferrets. And this momentous occasion is the right time, nay, the perfect time, to dust off this newsletter to remind you of…
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On July 23, 2001 Rudolph Giuliani signed into his AM radio show to increase his dialogue with his constituents, one of which included self-described “ferret activist” and possible also lunatic David Guthartz. Giuliani launched into a lecture-turned-screed excoriating poor Guthartz, who Giuliani continually accuses of being sick in the head over those weasels.
Ferrets are, if you do not know (and you shouldn’t!), much maligned in New York City. Fears of mauled children and rabies are generally unfounded, and even pro-ferret publication New York Times refers to the creatures as “musky, sharp-toothed mammals" despite pointing out that most states, including New York, actually allow the fur snakes. But Giuliani hates the little beasties, and successfully moved to outlaw them, much to the chagrin of ferret fans (which, I have learned, exist). And in 2015, sadly, the NYC ban was upheld, demonstrating that Giuliani’s anti-ferret legislation is alive and well. “We heard about the unique skeletal structure of ferrets that allows them to squeeze through very small crevices,” reported Board of Health member Dr. Lynne Richardson during the anti/pro-ferret hearing…which must have been a legendary meeting.
But, now is the time to reflect on all of the signals that Giuliani was sending us way back in 2001. (Though before he was able to take his anti-ferret screed nationally, he was distracted.) And as we sit through the absolute debacle that was the Giuliani-supported Jan. 6 hearings, we can see, pretty clearly, that the absolute derangement was always brewing.
Below is the excerpt of his bizarre rant, which turns old enough to drink today, one that is truly devoid of hinges.
Mayor Giuliani: We’re gonna go to David in Oceanside.
David Guthartz: Hello, Mr. Giuliani, we speak again.
Giuliani: Hi, David.
Guthartz: Let me introduce myself again, David Guthartz, executive president of New York Ferrets’ Rights Advocacy. Last week when we spoke, you said a very disparaging remark to me, that I should get a life. That was very unprofessional of you. Here we’re trying to get something seriously done–
Giuliani: I, I–
Guthartz: Without you talking over me, we’re trying to get something very seriously done–
Giuliani: David, you’re on my show. I have the right to talk over you.
Guthartz: But here’s the thing: We’re trying to get an important issue taken care of where the city is violating state law and I asked you last week if you care about the law.
Giuliani: Yes, I do care about the law. I think you have totally and absolutely misinterpreted the law, because there’s something deranged about you.
Guthartz: No, there isn’t, sir.
Giuliani: The excessive concern that you have for ferrets is something you should examine with a therapist. Not with me.
Guthartz: Don’t go insulting me again!
Giuliani: I’m not insulting you. I’m being honest with you. Maybe no one in your life has ever been honest with you.
Guthartz: I happen to be more sane than you.
Giuliani: This conversation is over, David. Thank you. [Mr. Giuliani cuts him off.] There is something really, really, very sad about you. You need help. You need somebody to help you. I know you feel insulted by that, but I’m being honest with you. This excessive concern with little weasels is a sickness.
I’m sorry. That’s my opinion. You don’t have to accept it. There are probably very few people who would be as honest with you about that. But you should go consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and have him help you with this excessive concern, how you are devoting your life to weasels.
There are people in this city and in this world that need a lot of help. Something has gone wrong with you. Your compulsion about it, your excessive concern with it, is a sign of something wrong in your personality. I do not mean to be insulting. I’m trying to be honest with you and I’m trying to give you advice for your own good. I know you, I know how you operate, I know how many times you called here this week. [EDITOR’S NOTE: To be fair, this does feel like a David problem, at this point.] Three or 4 o’clock in the morning, David, you called here.
You have a sickness. I know it’s hard for you to accept that, because you hang on to this sickness, and it’s your shield, it’s your whatever. You know, you gotta go to someone who understands this a lot better than I do. And I know you’re real angry at me, you’re gonna attack me, but actually you’re angry at yourself and you’re afraid of what I’m raising with you. And if you don’t deal with it, I don’t know what you’re gonna do. But you called here excessively all week, and you called here at 3 o’clock in the morning. And 4 o’clock in the morning. Over weasels. Over a ferret.
So I know this is difficult and tomorrow one of the newspapers will write how mean I am and how cruel I am and all this other stuff, but I believe, because my father and mother taught me this, that you should be honest with people. And I am giving you the benefit of 55 years of experience having represented hundreds and in some cases thousands of people on either side in the courtroom, having handled insanity defenses and cases.
You need help! And please get it! And you don’t have the right to call here at three o’clock in the morning, harass the people on my staff, because of your compulsion. So, David, see what you can do to get help. But we can’t help you. We don’t have the professional expertise to help you.
Now we’re gonna move on to Richard in the Bronx.