But, what if it wasn't all bad?
Looking back at 2020 and trying to find something nice to say
PEOPLE. I’ve been sad.
Since 2007, I have put together year-long lists to remind myself of all the things I have consumed. Usually, I focus on music, though it is a yearly process, one that demarcates another passage of time, a strange time capsule that distills forgotten days into the shit I have consumed. Sometimes I do write ups of my favorite songs in my notes app (as I was looking back on my previous lists, I found that I wrote, “This song that makes me really mad at people younger than me. How dare they? That’s how good this song is”).
So you know where we are at here.
I don’t know why I love lists so much other than providing order to the un-ordable, to rate things that are experiential, hopefully giving a backbone to the weird amorphous blob of existence. This year, of course, it is more pronounced. I do it constantly. “10 tweets I wish I would have written,” “3 song lyrics that I hate”, “5 books I’m just going to say I read instead of just reading their Wikipedia entries.” This is me, exerting control.
So, without further ado, here are a few of my “best of” lists, as we look back on a year that seems to be outlined by an extremely dull pencil: blurry, indistinct, sloppy, marred by eraser bits.
[Oh, and to help me reflect, I asked a few friends of mine, who are much more interesting than me, to tell me about their (digitized) year and how they lived (digitally) and what is interesting to them in their (digital) space. First up is Michael Ian Black. Scroll down to read what he has to say.]
My Favorite Songs of 2020
Haha, 2020 was awful! But there are these weird glimmers of light that broke through, and maybe watching an entire country grapple with its own anxiety and sadness taught (some) of us humility, and maybe reminded us that collective grief is still a communal experience. It has the ability to bind us closer.
Listen here: Spotify, Apple Music
“People, I’ve been sad”—Christine & The Queens
As if she sang about our collective experience into existence, Héloïse Adélaïde Letissier, a.k.a both Christine and their Queens, opens their song with a statement to which we can all relate: It’s true. People, I’ve been sad. Their dreamy synth pop and rounded bass lines both soothe and normalize. Shit, people, we’ve been sad. You know the feeling. There is a reason this is on every best of list out there: it’s the sonic equivalent of having something pet your hair while you put your head in their lap.
“WAP”—Cardi B ft. Megan Thee Stallion
HEREIN LIES THE MOMENT IN WHICH Cardigan B and Megan Thee Stallion had us, as a nation, clutching pearls, discussing gynecological abnormalities, and the placement/celebration of uvulas. This song is filthy. It is empowered. It talks about sex the way rappers have been talking about sex for years, and then some. It fucking rocks.
“walking in the snow”—RTJ 4
Yeah, critics love the DJ Premiere feature “oooh la la”, but when this album dropped, the country was on fire—in Los Angeles, this was literal. I drove through Hollywood in my shitty convertible, looking out at boarded up storefronts scratched with graffiti that read “FUCK THE POLICE” while the city was one lit cigarette away from exploding into flame and violence, listening to Killer Mike say, “And you so numb you watch the cops choke out a man like me / until my voice goes from a shriek to whisper, ‘I can’t breathe.’” CK looked at me and said this album was giving them a panic attack, but in a good way. El-P did what he had to do with those beats, making them the richly dystopian soundtrack to an industrial future none of us have stopped from coming.
“How You Like That”—BLACKPINK
K-Pop is huge. It is bigger than me. It is bigger than you. It is something that I don’t find myself naturally gravitating towards, which is 100% fine but I do know it has a deep and lovely fanbase. However, the dubstep adjacent BLACKPINK makes me want to walk in slow motion everywhere I go.
“Boss Bitch”—Doja Cat
Man, this has really been Doja Cat’s year, thanks mostly to TikTok. This song isn’t the breezy “Say So”, but it is just absolute fun, capturing her off-the-cuff sensibility by pairing it with that energetic hip-house revival that we saw threaten resurgence in, like, 2012. But now, that vibe has polish and is brimming with cheek, a perfect club banger if…well, I don’t need to finish that sentence.
“Blinding Lights”—The Weeknd
Speaking of which, TikTok replaced the radio playing in Lyft rides as my source to hear what “the kids are currently listening to.” As such, this song became inescapable: dance crazes, parodies, the soundtrack to sexual awakenings. This ‘80s-inspired bop is frenetic, neon-drenched, and extremely good. It offers us an alternate 2020 where we are all wearing black leather jackets and riding neon pink dirt bikes.
“Time”—Arca
First off, KiCk i has the best album cover of the year by far. Secondly, Arca’s extremely challenging, extraordinarily queer third album is filled with so many thoughtful tracks but I the hopeful “Time” because it features a dreamy levity that really shows Arca’s range and depth. It’s a little sweet treat that you deserve, goddammit, you truly deserve. (If you want a deeper cut, head to “Afterwards,” which features a Bjork doing a great impression of her Post-era work).
“Killing Floor”—Emma Ruth Rundle & Thou
Heads up, metal alert! The swampy New Orleans sludge of Thou has been one of my favorite sounds in metal for quite some time, but paired with southern singer Emma Ruth Rundle, it becomes this high drama, exquisitely hard noise wall that feels like MBV’s Loveless meets, like, EyeHateGod (Yes, I like doom metal. I contain multitudes!) Slow, syrupy and ethereal, like some sort of spooky ritual.
“Now I’m In It”—Haim
Maybe I like this song because it is 2020’s version of that one Savage Garden song, but extremely good. My favorite Haim is when those wacky sisters take their pop sensibility and add another element: in this case, it’s driving electronics and breathy ‘90s-style vocals. With a truly beautiful bridge and a hook that rivals “The Wire” with catchiness, I’m so glad this album came this year. An unexpected reprieve.
“my tears ricochet”—Taylor Swift
A strange thing: I am either unimpressed entirely with Taylor Swift or I absolutely adore her…no middle ground. This song was, perhaps, the most difficult for me to put on this list because, to be honest, more than one song on folklore belongs here, but I never double up. I picked “my tears ricochet” because, to me, it is the best example of what makes folklore great. Blisteringly good lyrics (“If I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?”), country-styled longing, meditative storytelling. Instead of pairing anger with sassy “The old Taylor is dead now!” quips and superficial beats, she delivers a swelling ballad about truly burning bridges, watching her song build and build until it is clear that she is excavating her own graveyard.
“Free Woman”—Lady Gaga
Yes, “Rain on Me” was a jam, but this is, by far, my favorite song on Gaga’s return to the dancefloor, her “Gypsy” to the more popular “Applause” on Art Pop. This is what Gaga excels at—empowering dance anthems that are meant to be enjoyed buzzed and underneath a disco light, that let her voice soar and dip. (I think I started out liking Lady Gaga as a bit that became a very real thing: I am truly am a Little Monster, and I blithely think she can do no wrong.)
“Kerosene!—Yves Tumor (ft. Diana Gordon)
I came to this album late this year, and found the psych rock-flavored lesson in excess that was Kerosene!, on first listen, became a quick contender for perhaps the best song of the year (and Yves Tumor is finally getting the recognition for their genius they deserve). Listen to it, and you will quickly hear why. Gordon and Yves Tumor swirl around each other in an over-the-top rock ballad that plays with gender and sexualness (not sexuality, actual SEXiness)—and has a truly bonkers music video.
“Savage (Remix)”—Megan Thee Stallian ft. Beyoncé
What. Wut. Wøt? WHUT. WAUGHT?!
“anthems”—Charli XCX
Here it is. This is my song of the year. This is the perfect encapsulation of 2020, where we want anthems, where we feel existential and so strange, where we hope that when it is over, we can be even closer, where even our dance music is tinged with a sense of hopelessness and ennui. Only Charli XCX could write an anthem about a pandemic that makes you want to mash about your living room hosting your very own one woman rave.
“I Know the End”—Phoebe Bridgers
This song lays me out. It takes me on a trip and then leaves me in a small patch of sunlight, gasping for air. It is the perfect closing song to a really rough year, where we are both introspective and hopeful, where we shift from laughing maniacally to crying helplessly. Also, it has horns and strings, and I love horns and strings.
Top Albums of 2020
Taylor Swift, folklore
Sault, Untitled (rise)—listen to the whole thing. It can’t be picked apart. It’s an exquisite depiction of the beauty of Blackness and the music that comes from trauma and hope.
Run The Jewels, RTJ4—Brutal, sad, the follow-up to Funcrusher Plus we deserve.
Charli XCX, How I’m Feeling Now
Megan Thee Stallion, Good News
Thundercat, It Is What It Is
Fiona Apple, Fetch The Boltcutters—I don’t “love” this album but I respect the shit out of it.
Bruce Springsteen, Letter To You—CLASSIC, classic Boss album.
Yves Tumor, Heaven To A Tortured Mind
Phoebe Bridgers, Punisher—Yes, it really is that good. It deserves all the accolades.
Top TV Episodes Of 2020 (Spoiler-free)
Rick and Morty, “Episode 6”
If you have ever wanted to write anything ever, this episode calls you out by name, insults you and your mother, and then spits in your face.
The Good Place, “Whenever You’re Ready”
The finale of The Good Place managed to flip expectations by forcing us to answer what does that after in Happily Ever After entail? I ugly-cried at this episode: The Good Place is one of the best TV shows of the last 10 years, easily.
The Great, “War & Vomit”
This whole series is, as the name suggests, Great, but this episode veers between the horrors of war to regicide to anxiety hives brilliantly.
Raised By Wolves, “Raised By Wolves”
Raised By Wolves isn’t a great show! But there are good ideas here, and they are all in full form in the imaginative pilot episode.
The Mandalorian, “The Jedi”
Yojimbo + lightsabers is a blend I always knew I wanted. Whoever is set decorating these Mando episodes deserves some sort of award. (Perhaps a golden one, in a globe shape?)
Harley Quinn, “Runaway Bridesmaid”
The animated DC series is way, way, way better than it should be, and the hilarious and gay season finale is extremely hilarious and extremely gay.
What We Do In The Shadows, “On The Run”
“Human bartender Jackie Daytona!”
I May Destroy You, “Someone Is Lying”
I said that this was spoiler-free, but I am unsure that it would be a spoiler to suggest that this show may, indeed, destroy you. This episode is a horrifying, humanizing who-dun-it, and it is expert TV.
Doom Patrol, “Sex Patrol”
DC’s Doom Patrol is taking some of the wildest swings out there in genre programming, and while the second season of Doom Patrol wasn’t as astounding as the first, but this episode has the incredibly named "seX-Men” superhero group.
How To With John Wilson, “How To Put Up Scaffolding”
This whole show is effortless and dark, hilarious and cringeworthy. It’s pandemic watching, made for a generation who grew up on Vines and YouTube, and feels nihilistically pure.
Some Films I Like But I Didn’t See A Lot This Year Because Cinema Was In Turmoil And Movies Were All Super Dark So I Wasn’t Equipped For Them
The Trial of the Chicago 7
American Utopia
The Hunt
Was there anything I missed that you really liked that isn’t Mank?
I’ve been thinking a lot about how the internet, once extremely isolating, is now the only way we connect with each other, and I’ve been thinking about how we use social media to reach out to strangers and how storytelling has changed. It’s given me a deluge of Things To Think About, so I asked some of the most thoughtful people I’ve encountered online to tell me about how their digital consumption has changed this last year.
I asked Michael Ian Black to tell me about his internet journey in 2020. MIB is the author of very serious books about the complex nature of masculinity and the host of a brilliant podcast where he forces interesting people to read a book with him. He has also been in some TV and movies you may have heard of, but probably not.
Me: What is a platform/account/space you go to for unmitigated joy?
MIB: For unmitigated joy, I like @cutest.pigs on Instagram. It's, as described, pictures of cute pigs.
Me: What was the last (online) thing you read that really made you think/feel something? How did it affect you?
MIB: I've been reading futuristic science-y stuff online lately, maybe because the optimist in me still wants to believe that the world ahead is better than the world we've got. I like the futurology SubReddit, which is filled with cutting edge science and much pie-eyed speculation.
Me: Do you have a niche digital community you are currently obsessed with? Tell me about it.
MIB: My current niche digital community is following the online heads-up poker challenge between poker pros Doug Polk and Daniel Negreanu. They've been going at it for several weeks now and, at the moment, Doug Polk is up over half a million dollars.
Me: What’s one piece of content (tweet, post, etc.) that has just stuck with you recently? Why?
MIB: I'm a big fan of Monica Lewinsky's Twitter. She's just funny, smart, and at times self-deprecating. Also, unlike some people (me) she doesn't tweet too much.
Me: What is your meme of the year?
MIB: I'm still not sick of jokes involving whether or not something is cake.